Fear vs. Faith

We tend to fear things when we do not know much about. Adoption seems to generate fear in people. When I mention how we are adopting, some people become uncomfortable. Through this blog I hope to help others understand our choice to adopt. We once were in the same boat – fearful adoption and fearful of the unknown. We wasted many months “stuck” in our fear. Fear has a way of paralyzing us, keeping us from all God has for us.

We always thought we would adopt “one day.” One day, when we had raised several kids through the teenage years or close to it. One day, when we had more money. One day, when we are wiser. And the list goes on. However, as we began to think about adding another member to this family. We felt we should research what it would look like to give a child a family who may not know one otherwise. And man, the fear and worry crept in. What were we going to have to give up? How would this process affect our marriage? How would this decision impact our current child? How would it disrupt this family of three that we cherish so much? We feared financial burden of adoption. How would we support two kids; one of which with a medical condition? We feared the unknown diagnoses of the new child. How would these unknown medical needs affect our daily schedule and monthly budget? We had fear of emotional and physiological difficulties this new child may face. We feared how this child may be bullied because of their race or medical condition.

To be honest we had some of the same fears when we made the decision to have our first child. Fear of the financial burden of a child. Fear of disrupting our family of two that we cherished so much. Fear giving up time, changing schedules and careers. If we were to give birth to a child there is also potential for a medical condition or unknown diagnosis. In fact, there still is and always will be; but typically that risk does not stop us from having children. And certainly would not stop us from loving them and taking care of them if a medical condition did arise. Yet, we do not and cannot live in that fear. If we did, we would’ve missed out on this… 1039573_10152015997879829_2030934446_o

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As we researched and prayed about these unknowns and fears. We felt there will always be risks but we cannot let fear paralyze us anymore. We must move past this fear and stand on faith. “Once our eyes are opened, we can’t pretend that we don’t know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act.” -Proverbs 24:11-12

Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears. – Arthur Koestler

We must have F.A.I.T.H. Faith that God will provide the finances. Faith in our marriage. Faith in the resilience of our child/ren. Faith that God will see us through any potential surgeries or therapies. Faith that God can heal the broken heart, physiological trauma, and emotional stresses our new little one has and will go through.

There are still times when fear begins to creep back in – different fears but fears none the less. In those moments I am reminded of the story where Jesus is walking in the water during a raging storm and calls Peter out of the boat.  Jesus said, “Come.” Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matt 14:29-32)  I do not want to be the one with little faith. I want to be the one when Jesus says, “Come.” I go, undoubting, unwavering, trusting in the One who the wind and the waves obey. The One who controls this life through peaceful, glassy seas and through the raging wind and waves. Lord, help my doubt and unbelief. 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

This is the theme song of our lives right now. I hope it encourages you as much as it encourages me!

A Celebration of Life!

Our Little Boo just Turned Two

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All this talk about the one on the way and we can forget to celebrate the day this little gift came into our lives. Two years ago, on April 11, God blessed this mommy and daddy with the most precious gift – more amazing than we could ever dream up.  Psalms 127:3-5 “Children are a gift from the Lordthey are a reward from Him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!

On April 10th we went to the hospital to be induced the next morning, thinking he would be here sometime late the next afternoon. Little did we know we’d meet him before then. He came into this world very quickly at 4:28 in the morning. The first thing he did when we met was pee on me  – the first of many times. He was still perfect in our eyes. We loved him from the moment we laid eyes on him. These past two years watching him grow and learn new things has been more joyful than we could’ve imagined.

Right now my favorite time with him each day is bedtime. Right before bedtime, to avoid not going to sleep, he gets up with his hands in the air and sneakily says, “I get you!” Then proceeds to tickle mommy and daddy. These moments are precious and we know they won’t last forever. So, we try to be present with him from 3pm, when he gets home from school until 8pm, when he goes to bed. After bedtime prayer, I will sing Jesus Loves Me and then go to lay him in his bed. I say, “I love you.” He replies, “I yove you too.” I then say, “See you in the morning.” He replies, “Mornin’.” It is our bedtime routine and those sweet moments I look forward to each night. 

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I always thought we do not need a birthday party each year. However, as the year rolls around, this day is something to be celebrated! Life is something to be celebrated! In the context of our adopted child, how even more important to imagine the day they were born and to celebrate it. Think about how their mom looked at them and smiled. Wondered if she could take care of him or if it may be better for him to go to another family. The tough decisions she had face. Was she alone? We pray that she may not feel the pain and anguish of her decision any longer. May she have peace and know that the child born to her is going to be taken care of and loved. We accept this precious life, this second gift we’ve been given. We promise to speak life, give grace, speak wisdom, give guidance, display God’s love, give forgiveness, show kindness, teach generosity, and display patience. We vow to give this precious gift back to his creator to mould and make him into the person He intended for him or her to be.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. -Psalms 139:13-26

Here are some photos of the oldest child in our family turning two! What a day to be celebrated!!

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His last birthday celebration as a family of three.

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Party Like a MonStar!

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He and his best buddy, Hudson.

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As soon as we finished singing Happy Birthday, he said, “Again!” We sang Happy Birthday 3 times before I told him no more. I guess someone likes being the center of attention.

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Mommy and Daddy love you to infinity and beyond, little buddy! There is nothing you could ever do to stop our love for you!